Never in my life did I think I’d have to go to a food bank- and I have had some serious stretches of poverty. I moved out on my own at 16 and it took some work to make ends meet. By eighteen I had a pretty tight budget. By twenty I was somewhat secure. At twenty-five I had it all worked out. I still budgeted like crazy but I ate the best food.
That was my thing- I just wanted a nice dinner at the end of the day. And I had secured that for myself.
It felt good.
So it was really weird and felt catastrophic when I had to go to the local food bank a few weeks ago, and every week since. If not for them, I’d be starving right now.
Usually every Thursday we pull in to the parking lot of our local STEM school and shed a few tears about how many other cars are in front of us. We live in the wealthiest part of our state but all of these people are going hungry? But yesterday, on account of the holiday, they moved the collection center two towns away, and also closed early, so we didn’t get our food for the week.
The volunteers are incredibly kind and non-judgemental. They treat us like customers rather than charity cases. But no amount of kindness makes us feel better about being charity cases.
We’re doing better than most- part of my wife’s salary is free rent and utilities. We don’t have a lot of bills.
But we’re drowning.
I don’t know how people who have to pay rent and utilities are doing it.
I want to quit going to the food bank so that people who really need it, get it.
But I also don’t know how to feed us without it.
At 41 years old, I’m going to a food bank for the first time in my life.
And I am really trying to justify that while also telling myself that other people need it more than I do, and feeling guilty for getting free food when so many other are struggling.
And this is 2020. Just an absolute shit year that wrecked us all.
But never in my life did I think I’d have to get in line at a food bank, nor panic when we got there too late.
