While having my morning coffee and browsing the internet this morning, I came across a discussion about how parents can instill in their children a healthy relationship with food. I’m not a parent but have been far more active as an aunt than most. (In practical terms I had 50/50 custody of my three oldest nephews, and the nephews and nieces who came after them also spent far more time with me than their own parents.)
That is relevant because when I had the kids I fed them whatever they wanted every morning, no matter what it was. They didn’t get enough food otherwise. The only rule was it had to be something I could make with what we had in the house. There were some debates on occasion, but at a certain point I’d start making pancakes before they even woke up. That was their favorite, expected thing. As soon as they got out of bed they’d have a cup of hot chocolate and pancakes ready for them at the table. It was just how they liked things to go on the mornings at Annie’s house.
For lunch we’d have a more balanced meal- sandwiches and fruit or roasted veggies with pita and hummus.
For dinner they always wanted pizza or fast food or frozen meals just because that was what they were used to but I would rarely go along with that.
If they wanted pizza or burgers and fries or hot pockets or whatever, we’d make that at home. That’s when I learned to make dinner interactive. I got tired of the kids hovering in the kitchen asking when the food would be ready so I started assigning all of them tasks to help make it. It was a lot of fun! (Stressful for me, to be honest, but worth it and fun watching the kids learn to take pride in what was served for dinner.)
I want to emphasize that I know this was a privilege I had. I could not have done it as a full-time parent. At the time I was financially comfortable- my then-partner and I made good wages and had low housing and cost of living expenses- and we were DINKs, so we had plenty of disposable income. I loved that time of my life most of all because I never, ever had to go cheap when it came to food and that was the most amazing thing I had achieved in my life as far as I was concerned.
So this discussion I was reading about parents teaching healthy relationships with food sent me on a long journey through my mind and memories, including the above.
One person posited that parents shouldn’t simply say “eat it or else” and instead explain why that’s what they have to eat that night, to be honest: if it’s because that’s all you can afford, tell the child(ren) that’s all they can afford. If the parent is just tired, tell the child(ren) that they’re tired.
Another person said the parent doesn’t have to do that- part of life is accepting what people give you when it comes to your needs and if it’s not enough, learn to live with it while you figure out how to get what you want for yourself.
Other people jumped in to say opinion A caused an unhealthy relationship with food and yet other people said the same about opinion B.
And my mind and memories got to humming…..
