We recently lost a long-term, well regarded member of this community. This happens periodically for a number of reasons, but the community is often anguished by the departure.
I don't have any answers or particular insight into why or how this happens, whether it's an admin decision, community moderation, or choice on the part of the member, I figure everyone has their reasons and I respect that it's not always an easy choice.
What I do have is some insight into why I personally sometimes step away. Once, a long time ago, I wrote a TTFN (tata for now) and I don't remember the details very well now. I know that I started deleting my diaries (something I regret to this day) and dismissed the comments asking me to stay.
I don't know (because I'm too lazy to check) if I deleted that diary, or changed it, or what. But I did leave the community for several months. I didn't even check in to see if I was banned or to see if there was anything worth reading here. I just left completely.
It was a very heavy time in my life but getting offline was revitalizing. I took my vacation time from work and went on a beautifully fun and carefree road trip with my wife. I sat outside eating pistachios and reading a book. I barbecued, I took my dogs for a walk in a new place every day.
In short, I just lived my life, unplugged.
It wasn't necessarily this place specifically that I needed to break away from, it was just outrage and angst in general that I needed to distance myself from. I also unsubscribed from all my political podcasts and only listened to comedy based podcasts.
Since that year (I can't remember if it was ‘13 or ‘14) I've taken several other long term breaks. In the last few years I've disappeared mostly during winter because the winter where I live is incredibly long and it takes a LOT to keep myself from falling into severe depression.
I know a lot of people feel the need to announce their exit like I did back then but the truth is most people won't notice your absence right away. What's most likely is that by the time people notice you haven't been around you're ready to come back.
That's not to say that our relationships here and our contributions aren't valued, it's just that there's a lot of people here and, just like any other rocking party, you can slip away without anyone noticing for a while.
So that's what I do. I know that when something here is aggravating me or changing my mood I have to walk away and recalibrate. I love so many of you, but very little that happens here is worth my energy in the real world. If it's more taxing than fun I simply log off. Sometimes for a day, sometimes for half a year. In the summer because I'm busy hiking and biking and camping, in the winter because I'm trying to keep the sanity I gained over the summer.
I guess my advice (which is worth what you paid for it) is twofold:
A) when someone you care about leaves, let them go and don't take it personally. We all know what happens when a member posts a GBCW. They may have weighed the consequences and decided it was worth it. They may have just had a really bad day and lashes out. In the case of the former, they probably have an even better reason to step away. No one should take what happens here so seriously that it seeps into their real world life.
B) If you feel like you're on the brink of saying fuck it all, log off for a week before penning your GBCW. If the interpersonal aspects of this site are still bothering you then absolutely, throw some flames on your way out. But if you find that you're just fine without us, just stay away until you miss us. Absence make the heart grow fonder and all of that.
And finally, this has been a very rough time all of us, and the cherry on top of the shit sundae was a pandemic that isolated a lot of us. Nevermind all the craziness that happened AFTER the election.
It's not unreasonable to feel angry and exhausted. You should feel angry and exhausted; it's been an exhausting and outrageous five years.
But we all have to steel ourselves because the next few years are going to be hard. We will likely return to sane and compassionate policy but the disease that brought us to the breaking point is still prevalent. We'll be fighting QNuts for years.
So make sure you take time for yourself. That's evergreen advice, but especially important for those of us who genuinely care about our future.